The Rain Will Come
by underthegreensward
Summary: Emily is still dealing with her loss. It's harder than she ever imagined.
1. Chapter 1

She doesn't even know what to feel anymore. Her throat is tight, so tight that it's hard to swallow without crying. Not that there are any tears left. At least there shouldn't be.

The only thing she is sure of is her loneliness. As much as her friends assure Emily that they are there for her and she knows they really are, it's just not the same. They all have somebody they love and who loves them back. Her friends do their best at hiding their happiness around her, but their best isn't that good. The more she thinks about it, the worse it gets. She's lost two people she loved. One of them even loved her back.

Emily still doesn't know what she did to deserve this. Trying to get her mind off of this with partying, well actually drinking, resulted in even more trouble. She needs someone to talk to now, but she knows she really can't deal with any happy person right now. Especially not Aria, Spencer and Hanna, not only because they are so insanely in love with someone, but she feels guilty, so guilty, for getting drunk, for making things so much worse after they had only gotten better. At least for the other three. Not for her.

The happiness she doesn't have rules out Toby too. She tried talking to him already and thought it was helping, but she couldn't not see his smile and the glint in his eyes. When she talked to him, that feeling in her throat got worse, as she kept the tears, which really shouldn't be there anymore, at bay.

She turns her head to her side, looking over at her drawer. Resting on top of it was the picture of her and Maya, the scarf draped neatly over it. Emily couldn't help but stare, at least for a moment, thinking of all the plans she had. For them. For her and for Maya.

It seems crazy, even to herself, because she didn't even know were Maya had been and she still planned. How they would make up when they'd see each other again. How she would ask Maya out to their senior prom.

Emily sits up abruptly, tearing her eyes away from the picture and focusing on the window instead. She wants to talk, no, she needs to. Slowly, she gets up from her bed and walks over to her window seat. Sitting down, she rests her the side of her head against the glass, looking down the empty street. It's raining and Emily can't help but think how fitting it is. Then, all she can think about is how she has to get out of here, just out. So, she leaves, in her shorts and tank top, without shoes.

* * *

Walking through the rain is helping, sort of. At least she knows what she is feeling now. It's cold, her clothes are soaked and little stones poke into the skin of her feet. She knows it is not the best idea to wander around the town at night, let alone on her own. But she has no idea what she should do instead.

She opens the door quietly. Her fingers are numb, her toes blue and she's dripping onto the floor, leaving a trail of water behind her as she drags herself up the stairs. In her room, she strips herself of the wet clothes, letting them drop to the ground carelessly. Grabbing a blanket, she falls onto her bed, closing her eyes and falling asleep.

When she wakes up, she is coughing and her nose feels like it froze off. She reaches for her phone. Texts from Hanna and Spencer, one missed call from Aria, all answered with a quick 'I'm fine, just went to bed early.' Deciding a warm shower would be good, Emily climbs out of her bed and slowly goes to the bathroom, ignoring the heap of clothes she left on the floor last night.

As the hot water runs over her body, she notices how _cold_ she actually was. Soaking up the warmth, her mind wanders. She still needs a friend, someone she can talk to. And a swim. Actually, a swim sounded better than talking, because at least she knew where to find water to swim in. Emily turns the shower off, wraps herself in a towel and deciding to get ready to go for a swim.

* * *

She sets her bag on the bench in the dressing room to open her locker, Emily doesn't even care if anyone is there. She turns around to grab something out of her bag, when she hears a door close and someone walking into the room. "Hello?" she asks, trying to stay calm. "Hey, Emily." Paige walks around the corner, a swimming bag slung over her shoulder. "Oh. Hey Paige." Then there is silence. Both girls are staring at each other, not knowing what to say or do. After what feels like a decade of awkward silence, Paige finally says "I haven't seen you a lot around here lately. How are you doing?"

Emily opens her mouth to say something, but she doesn't. "God, I'm so stupid. How could you be, after all the stuff that has happened. I'm really sorry, Em." Emily is still quiet, staring at a locker, while she tries to ignore the tightness in her throat and the burning of the tears she's trying to suppress. "Em?" Paige tries to meet her gaze, but she knows she couldn't handle it, so she lets her head drop to look at the floor. Gathering all her strength together, Emily presses out a strangled "It's okay, I'm fine.", not lifting her head. She wishes it would have sounded more convincing. "No, you're not. You don't need to pretend anything. At least not in front of me, okay?" Emily doesn't move. "We are friends now, remember Em? If you want to talk, I'm here." Still not getting a response from Emily, Paige starts unpacking her things.

Emily swallows hard, hoping to get rid of that feeling in her throat. "Can we... Can we just sit here for a while?" she finally whispers, barely loud enough for someone to hear. Paige stops unpacking, sits down on the bench and says "Sure." Emily walks over and sits down next to her. There is silence again, but it's not awkward anymore. They both just stare at the lockers in front of them, not saying or doing anything. Until Paige takes her hand between both of her own, trying to reassure her. Emily can't hold it anymore, the tight feeling in her throat gets unbearable and her eyes water up. She can feel tears rolling down her face and her body starts shaking with silent sobs. Paige doesn't talk. She doesn't ask, she just slings one arm around Emily's waist and holds her. They sit like this for as long as Emily needs it.


	2. Chapter 2

It turns into a habit. They meet in the locker room as often as they can. The next few times are like the first; no talking, just sitting next to each other. Emily cries, but it gets less and less. Paige holds her. That's all they need for now. Eventually, Emily starts telling Paige things.

"Maya was the first person I loved. Really _loved_. She was the first one Making my heart race and I had to keep from squealing every time I saw her." Emily says with a sad smile. She looks at Paige. "Do you know what I mean?" Paige meets her gaze and nods, smiling an equally sad smile.

The next time they meet, Paige is already sitting on the bench. Emily walks in and without so much as a greeting she lays on her side, facing the lockers and puts her head in Paige's lap. Emily sighs and Paige doesn't know what to do. Her eyes are wide open, her right arm hangs awkwardly behind her, because she has no idea where to put it. She finally decides to rest it on Emily's shoulder. "She was my first." Emily states. Paige says nothing, she just starts drawing circles on Emily's arm. She's here as her friend and it makes Paige happy, no doubt, still, she can't deny that she still wants to be more than that. But she knows Emily needs a friend right now and she is willing to listen to everything she has to tell her.

"I waited for so long, because I wanted it to be right, and it was, but now she's gone and I'm alone."

Emily grips onto Paige's jeans, playing with the denim.

"You're not alone, Em. Okay? You might feel like it, but you're not. You have your friends, even if it's hard for you to deal with them right now, they _are _there for you. And I'm here, too. So, _please_ don't feel alone." Emily turns, looking up at Paige. "You're right. I shouldn't have said that." She takes Paige's hand. "Thank you for being here." Paige squeezes her hand. "I'm your friend, remember? You don't have to thank me for that, that's what I'm here for." Emily smiles, and it's the first genuinely happy smile Paige has seen on her in what seems like forever. Paige can't think of words to describe what she feels. Instead she smiles and plays with Emily's hand.

When they meet again, it is almost the same, but Emily talks less about Maya and more about other things. School, swimming and sometimes her parents, but she still lays her head in Paige's lap.

* * *

One time Emily seems really deep in thought and Paige doesn't want to disturb her, so she keeps dragging her fingers up and down Emily's arm. She hears Emily take a deep breath and thinks she might say something now, but nothing comes. A few moments later Emily inhales deeply again, only this time she starts talking. "Why does all this stuff happen to me?" Paige swallows hard. She has no idea what to answer and certainly doesn't think Emily deserves any of this. "I don't know, Em. Maybe you have to get through all the bad things first to get to the good."

Emily sits up and looks at Paige. "I went through so much already. There are people who never had to deal with things like this and they are perfectly happy." Paige places a hand on Emily's knee. "I know. I wish you didn't have to do this, but I can't change it. Neither can you." Emily lets her gaze drop to the floor. "So you're gonna go through this. With me. Okay?" A quick glance from Emily before she looks at the floor again. Then a firm nod. "Okay."

* * *

It's the evening of the next day when Emily sits on her window seat, looking out of the window. She thinks about Paige and how they meet in the locker room, to sit on an uncomfortable bench for _hours_. Her hand reaches for her phone, wanting nothing more than to call Paige and ask her to come over. She needs Paige, being with her made her feel the best she has felt in months, but at the same time she is scared that something might happen to Paige because they spend so much time together. If she lost Paige in any way, Emily wouldn't be able to handle it. So instead of calling Paige, she goes to bed.

Emily wakes up with a racing heart and mind. Forcing herself to breath slowly, she calms down slightly. Dolls and teeth and hooded shadows were hunting her in her dreams. Running after her, down a lonely corridor. At the end of it was Paige. Tied to a chair, her head hanging down, blood trickling onto the floor.

Pressing one hand to her still too fast heart, Emily wipes a tear away with the other. She takes a deep breath and reaches for her phone. She needs to know if Paige is alright. Not bothering to check what time it is, Emily calls her.

Paige picks up after the second ring, sounding concerned, but not tired in any way. "Em, is everything alright?" Emily feels herself relax, inhaling deeply, before she finds her voice to answer. "Yeah… No. I- I just needed to know if you are okay. I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you." She hears Paige sighing frustrated. "Emily, you didn't bother me. I wasn't even sleeping. Are you sure you are okay?" Emily closes her eyes and bites her lip. "Yeah, I just had a bad dream. It's- It's okay, really." She doesn't know if lying really is the best choice now, but she is too afraid something might happen to Paige. She has to keep Paige at a distance. She has to. "Okay. Goodnight, Em."

"Night, Paige." Emily hangs up and buries her head in her hands, her fingers gripping her hair.

She knows she has to stay away from Paige to keep her save. To keep herself sane. The problem is she _can't_. Paige has become her rock, someone she needs. She is not strong enough to stay away from her, but she is willing to do her best.

She gets up, figuring she is not going to sleep now anyway. Grabbing a blanket, she sits at her window, pulling her legs close, wrapping her arms around them. She leans her head against the glass and stares into the darkness.

* * *

Minutes later, she gets a text message. Her heart starts racing again as she grabs her phone to read it. It's Paige who sent it and Emily exhales with relief. 'Open the door, Em.' She frowns, but walks downstairs to do so. As soon as the door is open, Paige hugs Emily close to her. Emily buries her head in Paige's shoulder, hugging her back just as tight. "You didn't have to come over."

"I know, but you sounded so upset, I wanted to look for myself if you are alright." Emily swallows hard and steps back from the hug, slinging her arms around herself. "You shouldn't do that." Paige looks at her in disbelief. "Why not? I thought that's what friends do?"

Emily sighs and lets her hands drop to her sides. "Yes, it is, but I- I wish you wouldn't do that." She bites her lip and stares at the ground. "It scares me." Paige takes a step forward, trying to catch Emily's gaze. "What scares you? Do I scare you?" Emily jerks her head up and looks at Paige. "No, you don't scare me. It's just... every time I let someone into my life like this, they get hurt and I do too. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Oh, Em. Nothing is going to happen. Neither to me nor to you. You hear me?" Emily nods hesitantly and takes Paige's hand. She lets herself believe they are save for now, just because she feels _so _save with Paige. Tightening her grip on Paige's hand, she drags her upstairs.

Once they are in her room, she walks them over to the window seat. They both sit down, taking in their usual position, Emily's head in Paige's lap.

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" Paige stops running her hand up and down Emily's arm for a moment. "Sure." Emily closes her eyes. "Thank you." A hand begins playing with her hair. "No problem." Paige combs through her strands with her fingers. "Maya used to do that a lot." The combing stops. "Do you want me to stop?" Emily shakes her head against Paige's leg. "No, don't stop. It feels good." Paige starts stroking her hair again without saying anything.

Emily's breathing evens out and when she's sure she is asleep, Paige takes the blanket next to her and covers Emily with it. She leans her head against the wall, takes Emily's hand in her own and let's herself fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

When Paige wakes up again, it's still dark outside. Her body feels stiff and she is anything but comfortable. She doesn't care about that though, because Emily is lying in her lap, sleeping peacefully.

Paige looks down at her and it takes her everything not to burst. She is so happy to spend time with Emily, but at the same time so sad for her and so angry at whoever hurt her, that she doesn't know where to put her feelings.

She is trying her best to hold her up and she feels like it is finally working. It feels like Emily is slowly getting over Maya. There is almost no crying anymore and Maya is only the topic if she is reminded of her. Every time this happens, Emily's gaze drops to the floor and Paige doesn't know what to say to make her feel better. But tonight, it felt like Emily let go of Maya, at least a bit.

Paige looks at Emily's face and strokes the hair out of it. She can't stop the butterflies that whirr in her stomach, even if she knows she's here as a friend. That it will take Emily time to let someone be so close to her again. It makes her feel even worse when she thinks about her missed chances. It hurts to know that she could have been with Emily, that she might still be with her. Maybe it would have saved Emily all the pain she's going through now, if she had had the courage to tell her parents sooner.

She swallows and shakes the thought off. Regret isn't going to take her anywhere. They are here now and she maybe, just maybe, this will be the last time she has to regret anything. Paige is determined to do everything to keep Emily in her life. As a friend or more. She lets her head rest against the wall again and slowly sinks back to sleep.

* * *

The sun shines through the window when Emily opens her eyes. She tries to sit up, but Paige's arm is lying on her shoulder, holding her down and she doesn't want to wake her. At least not yet. She turns her head to look at Paige. She sits there, slightly slumped to the side, her head resting on the wall. Emily can't help but smile. Paige looks kind of cute this way. "Paige?" Emily carefully lifts Paige's arm.

"Paige, wake up. You don't look really comfortable there." Sitting up, she shakes Paige just the tiniest bit. "Morning, Em." Paige opens her eyes, smiling sleepily. "Morning."

Emily stands up, stretching her arms over her head. "I hope you slept well. It didn't look too comfy how you sat there." She gets a smile in return. "It was alright. Did you sleep okay?" Emily nods. "Actually I haven't slept this well in months."

Hearing Emily say this somehow makes Paige proud. So proud, she can barely contain her smile. They stare at each other for a while, until Paige speaks up."I think I should call my parents. I don't want them to worry." Emily nods again. "Yeah, sure. I'm going to make breakfast. I'll be downstairs." Looking for her phone, Paige stops for a moment to smile at Emily. "Okay. I'm gonna come down in a minute."

* * *

When Paige walks down the stairs and to the table. It's set with two bowls of cereal and two cups of coffee. Emily is already sitting there, holding her spoon not moving, blankly staring into space.

"Em, what's up?" She jerks her head in Paige's direction, snapping out of her daze.

"Uh, nothing. I just zoned out for a moment."

Paige looks skeptically at her, so Emily is quick to change the subject. "What did your parents say? You're not gonna get in trouble for this, are you?"

Snorting, Paige shakes her head. "No, no trouble. They don't believe me when I say you're just a friend, though. Which means endless teasing and questions, but I can live with that." She winks at Emily, sits down and starts eating.

"So, they are really fine with you being gay?" She gets a nod as answer, but she waits until Paige has swallowed, so she can answer properly. "Yeah, at first they were angry and worried. Then they realized there was no reason for that and saw how hard it was on me all this time, they got over it really fast." Paige smiles, shrugs her shoulders and goes back to eating. "I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks. I would never have done it, if I hadn't met you." Emily blushes and stirs her cereal.

"I have to go now, pick up some things for school." standing up, Paige takes the bowl her cereal was in and her cup. "Where should I put this?" Emily shakes her head. "Just leave it here. I'll put it away later. You need to hurry if you wanna make it to school on time." Paige sets everything back on the table, sighing. "Okay. I'll see you in school then?" When Emily nods, Paige grabs her hand lying on the table, giving it one firm squeeze. "I'll let myself out. Til later, Em." And with that, she's out the door.

Emily reaches for her phone the second she hears the door fall shut. Her fingers are trembling as she clicks on the message to read it again.

'Look who's got a new friend. I thought you were able to learn something from the past. - A'

The message said nothing, at least not directly, but even this barely there hint at Paige not being save made Emily lose her breath. She needs to do something about that. She knows, it's either having Paige as a friend or knowing Paige is well and alive without talking to her. She feels selfish for even having to think about it.

As she carries the dishes into the kitchen, she thinks about Paige. How she put up with her crying, her talking about Maya and how she always knew when Emily wasn't fine, even when she told her she was. Paige was a great friend. And that's the reason why she needs to keep her save. She can't keep this amazing person to herself, especially not when she knows she endangers this person's life.

* * *

When they pass each other in the hallway at school, Emily grabs Paige's sleeve and drags her outside, to the bench at the wall. "Em, what are you doing?" Paige laughs, but stops when she sees Emily's face. "Emily, what is happening? Is something wrong?" The blank stare she gets doesn't change the tiniest bit when Emily starts talking.

"We need to talk."


	4. Chapter 4

"Okay... What do we need to talk about?" Paige scrunches her eyebrows together, confused about what the problem is. Emily's expression is completely blank. She looks Paige directly in the eye. "We have to stop seeing each other. Whatever this is or was going to be, it has to stop." With that Emily turns around and leaves a shocked Paige behind. "Bu- why? Em?" Her arms hang loosely by her sides as she watches Emily disappear into the hallway.

Shaking her head to snap out of her shock she clenches her fists. Whatever happened, she was not going to let it get between them. She lost her once and she is determined to never lat it happen again. Just in time, the bell rings. Defeated, Paige decides she is going to find Emily after classes.

* * *

The last class ends and it is pouring outside. Hurrying to her car, Emily ignores everyone and everything. Not because of the rain, she just doesn't want to run into Paige. She had to gather all of her strength to tell her she should stay away. If she was going to run into her now, she wouldn't be able to keep this act up.

Opening the door, she slumps into her car, shuts the door, starts the motor and pulls out of her parking spot. When she drives away, she looks back through the mirror. Right where her car was second ago stands a completely soaked Paige, staring at the back of Emily's car, her shoulders hanging down. Emily presses down the gas pedal as hard as she can to get away from this. The guilt. The pain on Paige's face.

* * *

At home, Emily walks straight up into her room, climbs into her bed and curls into a ball. She shuts her eyes and allows herself to feel everything. She is sad and scared, but most of all angry that she has to make sacrifices all the time. Why is she, who is 'big on happy endings' as Allison said it, the one who has to let go of everyone she loves? Everyone who has ever meant something to her? The need to scream wells up in her and she clutches at her pillow in an attempt to ignore it.

She hears the door bell ring and although she knows her mother isn't at home, she doesn't move.

Whoever is at the door doesn't give up easily and keeps on pushing the button. Still not moving, Emily just clutches her pillow harder. Her phone lights up when she receives a text, just when the door bell stops ringing. Slowly moving her arm to pick up her phone, she is still fighting the urge to scream. The text is from Paige. 'Open the door Em.'

The ringing of the door bell starts again. Emily swallows hard. She wants to tell Paige _everything_, but she knows it will hurt them both. She gets another text 'Em, I know you're home. Open the door. Please!' Seconds later another one arrives 'I'll wait outside til you open the damn door.'

Reluctantly, Emily sits up, thinking that maybe it's better to tell Paige to go away in person instead of ignoring her. She gathers all her strength to push through and gets up from the bed. Halfway down the stairs, she hears Paige banging on the door.

"Em, please open the door!" She reaches the door, placing her hand on the handle, taking one deep breath to open it. "Emily, I don't know what the hell happened, but I won't let it come between us." Her eyes brim with tears as she breathes deeply through her nose. Her hand pushes the handle down and as soon as the door opens a crack, Paige pushes her way in. She is dripping, her nose is red and her fingers already a light shade of blue.

"Finally. Emily, what happened?" Startled, Emily can't find the words to say something. She just stands there with her mouth open. "Remember when I said I wish I had fought harder for you? Well, I will do it now. I don't know where this was going, we were going, but I don't care. I just want you in my life, whatever way. Do you understand that, Em?" Trying to swallow her feelings, Emily closes her dry mouth. She wants to say _something_, but nothing comes out. "Em? Did you even listen?" Paige is starting to sound angry, desperate for an answer. "Emily, _please_ talk to me!"

"You'll get hurt." Paige's face changes from desperate to confused. "Who is going to hurt me? You? Because you are hurting me right now." Emily looks at the floor, trying to avoid Paige's gaze. "No, you won't get hurt by me, you'll get hurt _because _of me." Furrowing her brows, she ducks her head to look into Emily's face. "Why? Who is going to hurt me because of you?"

Emily lifts her head and stares at Paige. "I can't tell you, it will only make it more dangerous for you. You only need to know that what happened to Maya was because she was with me. I don't want anything happening to you. So, this is the only solution; we stop hanging out, nobody gets hurt." She knows it's a lie, because it certainly hurts her. She just hopes Paige doesn't look through the lie. "No Em, this isn't a solution. We will both get hurt. You know that. I don't know what to do about this... situation, but I won't walk away from you. Not again."

There's a long pause, while Emily tries to fight back the tears. "Did you tell the police?" She shakes her head "No, this... person, they have something on me and my friends that would get us into more trouble than any lawyer could get us out of." Paige nods absentmindedly, thinking about what she just heard.

"Okay, you know what? I don't want to know what they know about you or what you did. I don't care about that. I care about you." Emily bites her lip and slings her arms around herself. "That doesn't change the fact that someone wants to hurt you, Paige. Please, you are making this harder than it already is. I care about you, too, that's why I'm trying to keep you away from me."

Paige takes a step towards her and puts a hand on Emily's cheek, her thumb stroking along the cheekbone. "If we are going to get hurt either way, we should take the one where we have each other. I want you, Em." Biting her lip, tears slowly rolling down her face, she leans her forehead against Paige's. "I want you, too. Are you sure about this?" She feels Paige nodding. "Yeah, you're worth it." Sliding her arms around Paige's waist, she hugs her tight and buries her face in a still damp neck, feeling little drops of rain fall from the other girl's hair onto hers. Paige hugs her back and presses a soft kiss to Emily's temple.

They stand there, listening to the others breathing and the rain outside, holding each other tightly.

Somehow they are going to figure everything out, together, but they are both sure it can wait for a day.


End file.
